


Welcome Back Rita

by CinnamonStyx



Category: DCU, Doom Patrol (Comics)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 05:56:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18277166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonStyx/pseuds/CinnamonStyx
Summary: Set during the Grant Morrison era of Doom Patrol comics.Rita Farr is resurrected by the Chief after being presumed dead for a decade. Now she must slowly adjust to being alive again and all the changes that have happened to the Doom Patrol since she was last there.





	Welcome Back Rita

**Author's Note:**

> I was interested in watching the new Doom Patrol series that came out recently when I first heard about it. But alas, I soon found that DC Universe is not yet available where I live. So I did the next best thing I bought a whole bunch of Doom Patrol comics from Comixology. Mostly the original '60s series and the surreal Grant Morrison stuff from the late '80s/early '90s. Anyway, I loved the stuff I read so much I decided to write a story about them. But before we start, here's a quick rundown of the comic-verse Doom Patrol's history. Just in case you're reading this without much knowledge of the Doom Patrol. That way this story doesn't get confusing.
> 
> **Doom Patrol History:** So the original '60s run of comics famously ended with the entire team getting killed off by their enemies Madame Rouge and Captain Zahl. But later in the '70s Cliff Steele (AKA Robotman) came back to life and became part of a new Doom Patrol with an entirely different roster. Most of that team got killed off by the late '80s and members of the original Doom Patrol Larry Trainor (AKA Negative Man) and Niles Caulder (AKA the Chief) also turned up alive. Anyway, then Grant Morrison took over the book and things got weird. Most relevant to this story is Larry becoming a character called Rebis.
> 
> Anyway, that aside, the only member of the original Doom Patrol not to come back in the Morrison run of comics was Rita Farr (AKA Elasti-Girl). So the basic premise of this story asks "What if Rita came back during the Morrison era?". I do know she comes back later in the comics but I have not read those so this basically my version of that. I've probably gone on way too long with this now. Honestly I'm kind of worried you didn't need all this info. Whatever, I'm ending the note now.

Rita Farr opened her eyes. She realized this should have been impossible since last she checked several tons of explosives had detonated beneath her and the rest of the Doom Patrol. But she had no time to think about that when she realized that all around her was clear liquid.

Her first thought that was somehow she'd survived the island blowing up and was now adrift in the Atlantic ocean. But this theory was dispelled when some of the liquid got into her mouth and had a distinctly bitter, acidic taste to it. Rita tried moving around her arms but quickly found both hands touching metallic walls.

The chemicals around Rita began to drain away from her surroundings. Once the liquid was beneath her face she got a better view of where exactly she was. She realized she was in an enclosed metal area, appearing to be some kind of tube. In front of Rita was glass, her eyes adjusted to her new unfamiliar location. On the other side of the glass were two men. She was unable to make out fine details but one of the men looked as if he was seated in a chair.

Rita became at least partially certain that her mentor Niles Caulder was on the other side of whatever bizarre contraption she was inside of. She pressed her hands against the glass as the last of the liquid drained out of the tube she was in. The majority of the fluid was now gone and the glass panel popped open.

With the glass gone, Rita stumbled forward out of the tube and collapsed to the floor below her. It felt cold but it was a great comfort after having just been restrained from breathing. Rita heard wheels and footsteps coming closer to her.

"Can you hear me, Rita? It's the Chief."

Rita looked up and saw the familiar, comforting face of Niles Caulder looking down at her from his wheelchair. Next to the Chief was a short haired, casually dressed dark skinned man who Rita couldn't recognize.

She opened her mouth to try and speak but the words wouldn't come out just yet. It felt like her brain was relearning how to talk. Her mouth flapped open and shut wordlessly for several seconds until sound started to form.

"Chuh- Cheh… Chief… What?" Rita noticed the Caulder's hair was greyer than she remembered. She was massively confused with the situation. To her knowledge she and the rest of the Doom Patrol had just been killed mere moments ago. More words fell out of Rita's mouth. She paid no attention to what she said, just letting her thoughts spill out of her head. "What happened? Cliff… Larry… We're dead… Madame Rouge and that Nazi… Zahl… They killed us… The explosion… That island… Said it was us or that town in Maine… Someone tell me where I am."

The man Rita didn't recognize placed a blanket over her shoulders and it was then Rita realized that she was completely naked.

"Here let me help you up." the man extended a hand down to Rita.

She grabbed the hand and was helped to her feet. Once she was on her feet she pulled the blanket closer to the body. The man let go of Rita but this proved to be a mistake. Her legs felt weak and gave out under her. Rita tumbled backwards into the tube she'd fallen out of and smashed her head into the metal. And after that her vision went dark again. The last thing she heard was the Chief shouting.

"Joshua! Make sure she isn't hurt!"

*******

Rita Farr awoke yet again, feeling in a much better condition than before. The first improvement was that she was no longer wet and cold. She soon realized she was lying down in what felt and looked like a hospital bed and was now clothed in a robe.

Her eyes adjusted and she saw three familiar faces looking over her. In addition to the Chief, Rita also saw the shiny, bronze body of Cliff Steele and the gauze covered figure of Larry Trainor. Seeing her two friends made her smile. She immediately noted that the two of them were much more casually dressed than she was used to with Cliff in a leather Jacket and Larry in a fur lined coat. Rita made the assumption that the Chief must have given up on his old dress code policy.

"Guys, she's come around." Cliff looked over at Larry and Caulder. He looked directly at Rita. "Hey, Rita, it's us. Are you feeling better now."

"I guess so… I'm still getting over the shock of not being dead." Rita sat up in bed, her previously missing strength now returned.

"Well, Joshua tells me you're in fine physical condition." the Chief informed her.

Rita looked back and forth between the three people in front of her. "It's great to see you all again… I'm surprised you're all alive too. We all got killed, didn't we?"

"Allow me to explain." Caulder's wheelchair moved closer to Rita. "It's true that you, Cliff, and Larry met your untimely end at the hands of Captain Zahl and Madame Rouge. But thanks to the miracle of science you all could come back. Cliff had a new body built for his intact brain, we cloned a copy of Larry's body for the Negative Spirit to inhabit. Although, that's gotten a bit messed up recently. And as for you, Rita, a sample of what remained of your strange elastic body washed up on a Florida beach some months ago. I recovered it and reconstructed you from what remained. Does that catch you up on everything?"

Rita looked down at her own hands, checking if they were real. "I guess it does… It feels like the four of us were just on that island a couple minutes ago… How long have I been dead?"

"Approximately a decade by this point."

"Oh god… Garfield… He's had to grow up without me."

The Chief's wheelchair drew even closer. "Don't worry Rita, we'll reunite you with your adoptive son soon enough. Are you feeling well enough to walk?"

"I guess so."

"Then follow us. We have a lot to catch you up on."

Rita slowly lifted herself up from the bed, grabbing the arm of the Chief's wheelchair for support until she was fully on her feet. "Alright, so what did I miss while I was…" Rita hesitated for a moment. " _Dead._ "

"Well for a start we're no longer at the old headquarters." the Chief moved back over to Cliff and Larry. "This is the Justice League's old base of operations. In Rhode Island. It's a much better setup."

Rita looked around the room to get a better look at it. She quickly realized the whole place was set up to be an infirmary and she wasn't the only patient. On the other side of the room was a young woman with long red hair asleep in one of the beds.

"Who's that?"

"That's Rhea. Rhea Jones. She was part of the new team that formed the whole thing with Zahl." Cliff explained, nearing Rita. "She's been in a coma for a while now and Joshua says her vitals have been going all weird recently." he stopped himself for talking for a moment. "Sorry, this is probably too depressing. You just came back, let's move on to something better."

"Right, how about you give me a tour of this place." Rita looked away from Rhea and over at the door out of the infirmary.

Rita started off towards the infirmary's exit and the three men followed behind her.

"I should lead the way." Cliff spoke up, walking ahead of Rita. "No offence Rita, but I think I know your way around better."

"That's probably true. I'll follow you."

The group walked in silence with Cliff leading. As she went along with the group, Rita observed Larry alongside her and realized he was levitating rather than walking. She looked again just to make sure she was seeing things right.

"Larry… How are you doing that?" asked Rita. "You've never been able to float before. At least, not when the Negative Man was inside your body."

"We've- I've become much more powerful than before." when Rita heard Larry speak it was like there were two people talking in perfect unison. It disoriented Rita and she listened in closer in case Larry was going to say anything else. "And Rita, don't call me 'Larry' anymore. My name is now Rebis."

One of the two monotone voices Rita recognized as belonging to Larry but the other sounded like it belonged to a woman. "Rebis? What does that mean? Larry, what happened to you?"

"The Negative Spirit merged Larry Trainor with a woman named Eleanor Poole. She was a doctor."

"Merged? I don't understand."

"Larry Trainor and Eleanor Poole are the same now." Larry, or apparently now Rebis, turned to look at Rita now.

"I don't get it either." Cliff spoke up. "I still call 'em Larry because it's easier."

Rita paused, taking in the information. "God, I missed so much."

"Yeah, there was a huge alien invasion while you were gone. Not even joking." Cliff continued. "That's not even the weirdest thing that's happened lately."

"The painting dimension in Paris were certainly bizarre." said Rebis.

"Cliff, let's stop up here. This is Jane's room." the Chief pointed over at a door the group was passing. "We should introduce Rita to her. And vice versa."

Cliff nodded and knocked at the door. "Hey, it's cliff here. Can we come in?"

_"The door's unlocked. Come in."_ a female voice came from inside the room.

Taking the cue, Cliff pushed open the door and the other three followed him. The room within was cluttered. There were various objects strewn about on the floor and on several shelves that indicated whoever slept here had quite a few hobbies. Everything from tubes of paint to ragdolls was present in the room.

The room's occupant sat a desk in the room pouring over a mostly completed jigsaw puzzle. She was a young dark haired woman wearing a black jacket. The woman wasn't paying much attention to them, entirely focused on their puzzle.

"I'll be with you in a moment. Please and thank you." the woman didn't bother to look at them,.

"That's Crazy Jane. Formerly known as Kay Challis." the Chief explained as he motioned towards her. "Jane has sixty four personalities inhabiting her consciousness." Caulder moved his wheelchair closer to Crazy Jane. "Jane, we have someone we'd like you to meet."

"Jane isn't here right now. I'm Mama Pentecost." Crazy Jane, or rather Mama Pentecost, finished pushing the last bits of the jigsaw puzzle into place. She sighed. "Seven hundred pieces and I complete it in one day. I don't like the way it looks." she pushes the puzzle off the table, carefully watching all the pieces fall out of place. "You may now speak with Crazy Jane."

Crazy Jane scooted back her chair and got out of it. She turned around and saw the other members of the Doom Patrol in the room with her. Her attention gravitated towards Rita. "Oh, you must be Rita. Cliff has told me about you." Crazy Jane reached out for a handshake.

"You were expecting me?" Rita returned the handshake.

"I informed the others that I was planning to resurrect you." explained the Chief.

"Ah, always thinking ahead." Rita looked back at Crazy Jane. "So, what have the others said about me?"

"Only good things. Cliff sounds like he's missed you." replied Crazy Jane. "I look forward to getting to know you."

"I hate to interrupt but I have some important business to attend to with Joshua." the Chief spoke up. "Cliff, Rebis, Jane, you three all help Rita get acquainted. And see if you can find anything for her to wear besides that hospital gown." he slowly wheeled away out of Jane's room.

The conversation between Cliff, Jane, Rebis, and Rita continued a bit more from there. Rita noted that Rebis did not talk much and spent most of the time looking at the item Crazy Jane had in her room. As the conversation went on Rita also observed that Cliff and Jane seemed close with each other with Crazy Jane relaying a few amusing anecdotes about Cliff.

Their interaction came to an end when another one of Jane's personalities, named "The Hangman's Beautiful Daughter", came out and decided they wanted to paint a picture.

Cliff, Rita, and Rebis exited back into the hallway and the Hangman's Beautiful Daughter closed the door behind them. There was the clicking the door being locked from the inside.

"She's quite the character." Rita remarked. "Remind me of when I was in that movie about the guy with the split personality. Except this is real."

"Jane and the others, they're mostly good company." Cliff said. "Anyway, let's get on with the tour. Don't want you wandering around here blind."

"You two can keep going. We'll- I'll return to my room." Rebis began to float further down the hall, away from Cliff and Rita. "I want to play with my nesting dolls."

They watched Rebis disappear down the hall. Rita looked over at Cliff, confused. "Did he say nesting dolls?"

"Larry's into those Russian stacking dolls now. I don't get it either. C'mon, let's go find you something to wear."

Cliff went off down the hallway and Rita followed. "So Rita, what was being dead like?"

"Shouldn't you know?"

"Not really. After the explosion my brain kept on working. And all of Larry's consciousness was inside Neg-Man so he never really died either. So what was it like?"

Rita considered the question for a moment, unsure of how to respond. She'd never really expected her death to be temporary. But eventually she was able to come up with something. "It didn't really feel like anything. One moment I was with all of you, Larry, and the Chief and then the bomb went off. I don't think I was alive long enough for the explosion to hurt."

"Did anything happen to you after the explosion?"

"Well if there's an afterlife, I don't remember it. The next thing I remember was waking up inside of a tube of liquid. I guess that was when Chief built me my new body."

"Kinda crazy to think about. I mean, you've got a ten year gap in your memory now. But to you everything that happened with Rouge and Zahl was just a couple hours ago."

"You're right… I can't stop thinking about Gar."

"I ran into him a couple years back. We actually got revenge on the guys that killed us together. He's part of the Teen Titans now. Doin' pretty well for himself."

Rita sighed. "Gar… How do you tell your son that you're not dead anymore?"

"That's a real puzzler, Rita."

Rita became distracted by the sound of footsteps ahead of her. "Who else lives here? There was a man helping the Chief earlier."

"That was Joshua. I used to do field work with him but now he helps out Chief. And the only other person here is Dorothy. She's a good kid."

Rita looked ahead of them and saw a girl who looked to be about twelve years old coming around a corner in front of her. The most notable feature of the girl, Rita observed, was her facial features which made her resemble a chimpanzee. Behind the girl was Joshua.

"Oh hey there Mr. Steele, who's this lady?" the girl, presumably Dorothy, looked up at Cliff.

"Remember how the Chief was talking about bringing back a member of the old Doom Patrol. Well, this is her."

Rita bent down so she was closer to Dorothy's height. "Hello, my name's Rita. You're Dorothy, right?"

Dorothy nodded. "That's right, miss. I'm part of the Doom Patrol just like you. Actually I kinda just live here. Mr. Clay looks after me." she looked up at Joshua.

Rita stood up fully to be on the same height as Joshua. "I saw you earlier, didn't I?"

"I was helping the Chief bring you back to life." explained Joshua. "I've heard lots of good things about you, Rita. Cliff showed us one of your old movies. It was pretty good."

"Thank you. I'm not feeling very chatty right now. Still getting used to all this new stuff."

"Well I hope you can talk more later. Dorothy needs a good mother figure." said Joshua.

"I like to talk to Ms. Jane, but she is a little funny sometimes." Dorothy remarked.

"We'll get back to you." Cliff began going further down the hall and motioned for Rita to follow him. "We're just getting Rita set up right now."

"Okay, bye guys. See you soon." Dorothy waved at Rita and Cliff as they walked away.

They continued to walk down the hallway and Cliff looked over at Rita. "So what's it like to be back so far?"

"It's a step up from being dead." Rita joked. "But honestly, it's hard to believe that this is all real. People aren't supposed to come back from getting blown up like I did."

"You'll get used to it." Cliff made a noise that sounded like it would have been an exhale if he had lungs. "Let's get you some clothes and a room. It's good to have you back, Rita."

*******

Weeks had passed since Rita Farr's miraculous resurrection and she had gotten used to life with the new Doom Patrol. The Chief had gotten Joshua and Cliff to convert an unused room into a bedroom for Rita. She'd been given the remaining wardrobe of former Doom Patrol member Valentina Vostok to wear. But due to her previous death Rita had no other belongings to put in the room.

In the initial days after her rebirth, Rita tried to get in contact with her husband Steve Dayton and their adoptive son Garfield Logan. All the attempts to contact them were unsuccessful. Her attempts to call any of Steve Dayton's estates were met by people who worked for him saying that he was "Out" and hanging up. Doing some research she found out that her husband's psychic amplifying helmet had malfunctioned and caused him to become a super-criminal calling himself Crimelord.

This knowledge depressed Rita but she got better results attempting to search for her son. She managed to contact the home of the Teen Titans, a tower built off the coast of Manhattan, and was able to get in touch with one of Gar's teammates. Rita was told by them that Garfield was out on a mission with the rest of the team and would contact her as soon as he could. This gave Rita some comfort.

While she adjusted, Rita got to better know her new teammates as well as her old friends. Rita's attempts to speak with Rebis were met with disinterest from what used to be Larry Trainor and Eleanor Poole. Rebis appeared far more interested in reading books and collecting more Russian nesting dolls. The behaviour of Rebis made Rita question if any part of her old friend even remained. But nevertheless, she kept trying to talk with Rebis simply because they reminded Rita of the early days of the Doom Patrol.

Similarly, Rita noticed that the Chief was far more distant than she remembered. He was often absorbed in his research and spent far less time tending to the members of the Doom Patrol. Rita's best guess for the behaviour was that he'd become disillusioned after seeing the original team be killed and decided not to become attached again.

On the flip side, Cliff was just about the same as she remembered him being. The only thing that took getting used to was his new sense of fashion. When the Doom Patrol first started Cliff hadn't bothered wearing anything since he had a metal body but apparently he'd recently taken to dressing up again. Mostly in leather jackets and T-shirts with slogans and band logos printed on them. After adjusting to this, Rita admitted that she actually liked his style.

Rita didn't end up spending much time with Joshua. He kept himself busy helping the Chief, taking care of Dorothy, or tending to Rhea in the infirmary. But in the few instances they got to interact Rita enjoyed Joshua's company.

Crazy Jane ended up being a bit of a handful for Rita. The constantly shifting personalities were a lot to take in. Especially the more erratic ones such as the perpetually angry Hammerhead. But Rita liked interacting with Jane herself and a few of her calmer personalities like Driver 8.

Out of all the new members of the Doom Patrol, Rita liked Dorothy the most. With her being the youngest, Dorothy reminded Rita of Garfield in a lot of ways which was part of what drew her to her. She even made a mental note to introduce Gar to Dorothy when they met again.

Despite being a team of superheroes, the weeks after Rita came back were dull. No giant robots or creatures from other worlds were to be found at first. Rita even joked with Cliff that there weren't as many bad guys to fight as there used to be.

But all of this changed during one innocuous outing to the local supermarket. The Chief had run out of his favourite chocolate bars so Rita had volunteered to go out and get a new supply for him as well as some other groceries. Cliff and Crazy Jane had decided to tag along jut to give Rita some company. It was shaping up to be another normal day. But all that changed when they made a trip down the confectionery aisle for the Chief's promised chocolate.

"Hey Cliff, remember that customized tie pin I go the Chief for his birthday? I saw him wearing that the other day." Rita struck up conversation as they searched for the groceries.

"Really? Never struck me as the sentimental type. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy."

"I'm sure he wasn't thinking about it when he picked the pin out."

"Rita, Cliff, you just passed the chocolates." Crazy Jane spoke up from behind them.

Cliff and Rita turned around and saw Crazy Jane by a display of various chocolate bars and other chocolate products. They went back to Jane and looked over the sugary treats.

"So how many Hershey's should we get?" asked Rita.

"He goes through a lot, let's just take this whole sleeve." Cliff grabbed all the chocolate bars lined up on one part of the shelf and pushed them into the grocery basket he was carrying. "Alright, now we can shop for the actual food."

"Hold on, this one looks different." Rita reached into the basket and pulled out a candy bar that had a different packaging than the others. She looked at the chocolate bar which had a deep red wrapper with the word "MISERY" printed on it in big, black, capital letters. "Misery? Are you two seeing this?"

"Ah jeez, this had better not be haunted." Cliff commented.

Crazy Jane grabbed the chocolate bar from Rita. "Oh! It's burning!" she dropped the chocolate bar to the smooth linoleum floor.

"Guys, get ready to fight." Cliff put down the grocery basket and took several steps back from the chocolate bar.

"Fight? Are you serious?" Rita looked at Cliff in disbelief. She became even more astonished when she saw Crazy Jane backing away as well.

"Something I forgot to tell you, Rita. Recently, the guys we've been running into. Well, they're a lot weirder than the old guys we were up against." Cliff explained.

The disturbingly labelled chocolate bar begin to shake on the ground. This made Rita back away as well. The bizarre candy package then burst into a large flash of light. Rita and Jane clamped their eyes shut and Cliff looked away from it due to his brain telling him to.

When the light was gone the trio was left looking at a bizarre figure that stood at roughly the same height as Cliff. Their body was that of an exceptionally thin woman with skin white as a sheet of unused paper. They were clothed in a pink ball gown that looked like something straight out of a fairy tale. Instead of a head the female-like figure had cube of red marble floating above their shoulders, slowly rotating

"I'm free!" shouted the creature in a high pitched, feminine voice. The thing looked, or at least seemed to, at the Doom Patrol. "My name is Next Tuesday. Queen of all Misery! Every good idea you never did anything with, every bad thought you didn't want to think, every awful day you had, every second of wasted time! I took it and I became more powerful."

"What the hell is she? Where did they come from?" Rita looked up at Cliff, hoping for answers.

"Rita, you learn to stop asking questions about that kind of thing eventually."

The entity, named Next Tuesday, approached Crazy Jane. "My oh my, oh my, oh my! So much misery in this one! And it's all right below the surface!"

"Hey, keep away from her!" Cliff started going towards Jane and Next Tuesday.

Next Tuesday ignored him and grabbed Crazy Jane by the wrist. "Show me your misery!"

"Let go of me or I'll…" Crazy Jane's eyes rolled back in her head and her body went limp.

"Ah, delicious, delicious pain and despair. So tasty."

"Hey! Square-head!" Cliff punched at Next Tuesday but his target ducked the blow.

"Oh my, misery within you too. Not as much as the woman, but enough." Next Tuesday reached a hand out for Cliff.

However, every's attention was turned back to Crazy Jane when her unconscious body rose from the ground. Her eyes opened and her head suddenly burst into flames. A shrill humming noise began coming from Crazy Jane and fireballs shot out of her face in seemingly random directions.

"Is this normal?" Rita looked at Cliff in hopes he knew what was going on.

"It's one of Jane's other personalities. _Spinning Jenny_. She's always having a panic attack. Must have been brought out by square-head here." Cliff glanced over at Next Tuesday who was attempting to reapproach him. "Rita, I'll make sure Jenny calms down. You got take care of, um, whatever Next Tuesday is."

"Ah, the automaton requests I choose a new target!" Next Tuesday moved towards Rita. "Very well!"

By this point, many of the other shoppers had begun to flee from the commotion near the Doom Patrol. Next Tuesday fired a blast of red coloured energy from his palm. Rita ducked down and felt the heat from it on her back as the energy burned a large hole in the shelf behind her.

Rita began trying to formulate a plan to neutralize Next Tuesday. She knew her growing powers would greatly enhance her strength in proportion to her size, but was hesitant to use them. Rita had been practicing using her abilities on her own time and was confident in them. The problem wasn't that she had trouble using the powers, it was something much simpler.

When the Doom Patrol first began, the Chief had designed Rita a uniform made out of a special material that grew and shrank with her. In the current clothes she wore, she knew she'd either tear the clothes to shreds out shrink out of them if she used her powers. Either way, it would be very embarrassing for her.

Rita saw Next Tuesday's palm glowing again and knew she had to act fast. She reached out her own hand and enlarged that limb of her body, tearing the sleeve of her shirt slightly. The now stretched out arm and enormous hand grabbed the rotating marble cube that was apparently Next Tuesday's head.

"You shouldn't be doing that." Next Tuesday calmly informed her. "Now I can feed off your pain!"

Rita felt overcome with a sudden feeling of great sadness she couldn't quite explain and her arm regressed back to its normal length. Her mind was full of thoughts of Steve, Gar, and all the time she missed while she was dead.

"That's right, give me your pain." Rita noticed Next Tuesday growing taller as she approached.

"No… No!" Rita let out a screech and grew several inches taller, stretching her clothes a little. "I'm not going to let you mess with my brain."

"I don't 'Mess With' your mind. I simply take what is already in there." Next Tuesday spoke calmly.

It was then that Rita realized the fireballs from Jane had stopped. Rita raced across the aisle to where Cliff was with Crazy Jane. It looked as if Crazy Jane had partially fallen over and was lying in Cliff's arms.

"Is Jane better?"

"Well Spinning Jenny went back in but now-"

Cliff was interrupted when Crazy Jane began to speak again. " _Piranhas swim through the underground birdhouse. She goes back to the library to check for the toy crickets. The false messiah hangs from the olive tree, he speaks backwards. I am the lock and she'll never find my key._ "

"It's Sylvia. I don't think I've ever seen her come out before."

Next Tuesday got closer to the three members of the Doom Patrol. "Mmm… More negativity. Give me Sylvia."

"Rita, keep her away."

"I'm on it." Rita turned her attention to Next Tuesday and ran at her.

Next Tuesday simply held out their open pal and shot a beam of hot red energy at Rita. The beam hit her stomach and launched her into a shelf, knocking the whole thing over. As she stood up from the wreckage of the shelf Rita heard Next Tuesday speak. "My goodness, that was such an unladylike attempt to hurt me. Tut-tut, Rita. I expected better."

Rita grabbed a glass jar of white chocolate spread and hurled it at the entity before her. It burst on impact with Next Tuesday's head, leaving the spread dripping onto her dress.

"You ruined my outfit!" Next Tuesday began charging up another blast from her hand.

Rita rose completely from the ruins of the shelf and ducked out of the way of the blast. After she brushed some spilled confectionery products off her shoulders Rita charged at Next Tuesday.

It seemed that Next Tuesday was somewhat sluggish while recovering from firing the blast, as Rita was able to grab on to her left arm without much response. Rita pulled at the arm and became shocked when the arm broke off. She looked down at what the arm, not believing herself to be strong enough to accomplish this feat. It was then she realized something about the shiny, white arm that she hadn't before.

"Porcelain… You're made of porcelain."

With that realization in mind Rita smashed the remains of the fake arm into Next Tuesday, shattering it.

"You… You bitch…" the strange humanoid that was Next Tuesday was surprised by this turn of events. "You can't do that to the Queen of Misery!"

Both Rita and Next Tuesday became distracted when a sudden long, agonized scream started. They looked over at Crazy Jane who turned out to be the one screaming.

"Cliff, what's wrong with her?" Rita asked.

"I… I don't know… I don't think I've seen this personality before." replied Cliff.

"Make it stop! Why won't he go away!?" Crazy Jane shouted through the screams. "I want it to stop!" the last word Jane said before going back to screaming was barely audible but Rita noticed it vaguely sounded like " _Daddy, please_ ".

"Hold on, I think she's told me about this… This one's called Butterfly Baby. She's never come out before either." Cliff said.

"If I had a head, I'd be grinning ear to ear!" cheered Next Tuesday. "All that misery, _concentrated!_ "

Next Tuesday grabbed at the air dramatically and grew another several inches.

"I've been talking to Jane, I think it's helping her calm down!" Cliff yelled over Butterfly Baby's screams. "I'll get her back in control, just hold off Next Tuesday for a little longer."

"On it." Rite grew until she was a couple inches taller than Next Tuesday. She became slightly self conscious of the ripping and tearing noises her clothes were making.

Next Tuesday laughed. "Do you think I'm afraid of you? I was empress of my own pocket dimension for eons! Still am! I've dealt with countle-"

Rita cut Next Tuesday off when she picked up what remained of the shelf behind her and repeatedly bashed her into the ground with it. She repeated the process until the shelf broke in half. Looking down at her handiwork, she saw Next Tuesday twitching on the ground.

"Hate to say it, but sometimes brute force works best." Rita haphazardly tossed the shelf to the side.

"Find the unhappy woman… Steal her misery…" Next Tuesday used her one remaining arm to drag herself across the scraped up floor towards where she last saw Crazy Jane. A quick glance around revealed to her that Crazy Jane and Cliff were nowhere to be found. "Where's the unhappy woman?"

"Here."

Next Tuesday flipped herself over and saw Crazy Jane standing above her. Her appearance had drastically changed since the last time she saw her. Jane's teeth had become fangs, her fingernails morphed into long claws, her skin had taken on an unnatural shade of blue, and her eyes turned blood red.

"There's no despair inside of you… Only hatred…"

"I see you, _Next Tuesday_." Jane's latest form grabbed the rotating box that was Next Tuesday's head and pulled. The force applied ended up ripping the floating object from the rest of the entity's body.

Despite this, Next Tuesday continued to flail around her remaining limbs and her head attempted to plead with Crazy Jane. "Please, think about what you're doing Jane! If you kill me then all your misery will come back! Let me take your sadness! Then you can be happy all the time!"

"Crazy Jane isn't here right now." growled the monstrous personality. "Only _Black Annis_!"

Black Annis brought down the marble block into the rest of Next Tuesday's body, shattering rest of her porcelain figure to pieces. After letting go of the cube and breathing for a few moments, the features of Black Annis subsided and she took on the appearance of Crazy Jane once again.

"Is she gone?" Crazy Jane asked while looking down at what remained of Next Tuesday.

Cliff got closer to Jane and put a hand on her shoulder. "Yeah, you got her good."

Rita went up to Cliff and Crazy Jane and shrunk herself back down to her regular height. "So I just want to check two things before we do anything else. Number one, what the hell did we just fight?"

"Well from the looks if it, it was a giant box-headed porcelain doll that ate our misery. At least that's what it told us." Cliff replied. "Oh, and she lived inside a candy bar for some reason. Like I said Rita, just stop questioning where these guys come from."

"That's fair." Rita crossed her arms. "Well, number two, how badly torn up are my clothes?"

Crazy Jane and Cliff looked her over for a little bit. Both waited for the other to respond for a little bit before Cliff decided to go first. "Yeah, it's pretty badly ripped."

"But nothing's exposed." Crazy Jane was quick to add.

"Good. I guess we should go back to base now. We can't really go shopping anymore."

Cliff nodded. "Can't argue with that. I'm not gonna be the one to tell the Chief though. He's crazy about his Hershey's."

With that, the three Doom Patrol members walked out of the destroyed aisle and towards the exit to the supermarket. While in the process of leaving, Rita looked over at the two people next to her and smiled.

"You know what, I missed this." Rita said. "I guess I missed being alive in general for a while. But I like getting out there and fighting bad guys. Especially if it's with people like you two."

"Thanks. I missed you too, Rita. It wasn't the same without you around." Cliff's electronic voice made a noise that sounded a bit like human laughter. "Y'know if I'd known going shopping would be this eventful I would've told Larry to come. Then the whole old gang would've been back together." he then looked over at Crazy Jane. "Of course it was nice to have you here too, Jane."

"Thank you, Cliff. Although I wish some of my personalities stayed inside today." Jane remarked.

"If we're going to have more adventures like this, I'm going to like being with the Doom Patrol again." with a smile on her face, Rita left the supermarket with an unusual feeling of triumph in her.

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read the entire Morrison run yet so stuff that happened in this story might be contradicted by things that happen past the point I've read to. Fun fact, that line about Rita's husband Steve becoming a villain named Crimelord was something that actually happened in the comics for a while. I hope that Next Tuesday was an okay character. I wanted to try my hand at creating a surreal villain like the ones from the Morrison era of comics. Next Tuesday probably wasn't as weird as the Brotherhood of Dada or the Telephone Avatar but I like to think I was creative with them. I came up with the idea for her while I was a little bit sleep deprived so that probably also helped. Anyway, I had fun writing the Doom Patrol and I think I might try my hand at doing more stories featuring them in the future.


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